Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
