meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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