I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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