Umm I'm too high to move.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize