Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
