good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I need a beard to bite.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
