seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
