We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
