should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
