My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
