I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
