How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
