from now on my penis is your penis
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
