I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
its liver damage thursday
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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