hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
