Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
