Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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