I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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