i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
