My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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