it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
