Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
