he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
