you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
