I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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