Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
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