Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I smell like Dick and happiness
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
