Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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