im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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