My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
