The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize