you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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