You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
