Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
