We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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