Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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