Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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