do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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