I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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