I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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