If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
