Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
