That's when you crack a 10am beer
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
