She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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