Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
