haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
