he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
