i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
