I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
