Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You can't motorboat a personality
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
