i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
