Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
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