I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
