piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Randomize
