I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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