Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
