he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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