YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
