the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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