I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
