the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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