Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
