So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Damn victory sex feels great
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
