you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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