Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
