Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Green mimosas i think yes
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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