You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
