I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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