that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
