why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
