Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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