No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
